hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
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