summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
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I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
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So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
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