Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
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When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
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I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
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