I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
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