the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
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the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
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He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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