And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Randomize