Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
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