dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
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i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
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Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
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