I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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