she kept yelling 'call me bella'
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
My ass is underappreciated
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
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