I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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