Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I could have mohawked her pubes.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
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She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
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I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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