The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
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