I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
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There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
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She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
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