her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
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I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
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My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
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