Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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