matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
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wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
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Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Randomize