im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
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