My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
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