nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
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i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
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I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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