Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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