we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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