Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
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Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
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I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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