I just made out with a guy for $7.
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize