youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize