i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
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Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
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I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
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