She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize