At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
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