Your dad touched me again.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize