Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
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