How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
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