he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize