Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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