Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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