I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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