Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
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