Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
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