the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
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he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
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Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
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