Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Randomize