Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
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