is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
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