He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
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I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
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Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
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