Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
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