This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
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