Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
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I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
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It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
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