walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize