I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
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