Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
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