I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I have demons in me.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
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