i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
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