Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Will exercising make me less horny?
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
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